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Wednesday, August 14, 2013

What kind of a parent do I want to be?

I guess since i had kaira this is a question that is always on my mind.  Of course I have sought to enlighten myself and broaden my perspective through books and of course prayers and seeking the Lord.

But many a times I find myself falling short. I find myself doing things that I know I should not. Saying things that hurt. And sometimes just trying to assert myself as a parent. 

Whilst I try my best, I find myself really needing te grace of God to help me. It is a humbling experience. I thank God for the many moments that I have had the opportunity to self-reflect and examine my heart and actions.  Although very often i fall back into old habits and undesirable behavior :(

I find myself modelling negative behaviour - most of the time subconsciously - based on my own experience as a child. Although there are times i catch myself and remind myself to choose NOT to be ......... Because its exactly the kind of behaviour I don't want to see in myself as a parent. 

I wished I had better role models. Maybe then I will not struggle so much. But this is my lot and I do not have a choice so I can only ask for the Lord's grace and wisdom. And  I should not put the blame on others - after all I am able to make a conscious choice and I have responsibility for that. 

Recently, due to some struggles and challenges I m going, I have been self reflecting once again. And one of the topics that have been on my mind is - what kind fo parent I don't want to be. I felt that I needed such markers. Of course I also know what kind of parent I WANT to be... But sometimes having negative markers put things in perspective. 

So here are some points to remind myself in future :

1) I do not want to be the kind of parent who impose on their children just so to be considerate to others. I have seen this before and totally cannot comprehend why people do such things??

2) I do not want to be a 'bo-chap' a parent. Not sure how to explain it in simple English ... Whilst its important to nurture independent kids, kids who can fend for themselves and who exercises good judgement, I  not going to let it to be an excuse to be less involved in my child's live. Even if I have to make sacrifices, I want to be tere for my child, especially during the growing years.  Of course i do not wish to be over protective of my child either. i guess there is a fine line to thread.  But i definitely do not want to be a parent who takes pride that their "live" didn't change with the arrival of kids and that the kids have to be the one who adjust to the parents lifestyle.   I don't see the logic in this as a child is a child with different needs at different stages and as the parent (who decided to bring the child to life) entrusted with nurturing the child -- adjustments/sacrifices in some form will be required.  When the child is ready to be an adult, i am sure he/she will embrace the adult lifestyle ... parents not needed (!) LOL.  So i'd rather treasure the phases where i can be more involved in my child's life, for there will come a time when i need to let go............

3) I don't want to be the kind parent who do not have the courage to face up to challenges, mistakes or other trying situations.  Who may choose to ignore the situation in the hope that it will pass and they do not have to address it.  Nor do i want to be like those who keep quiet, assuming that that's the way to keep peace in the family --  who condone and accept undesirable habits/behaviour in some -- to make up for some lack -- such that others may feel unjustified.  i remember entertaining this thought  -- that maybe it will be better for me if i am not so sensible, bright, "mature" .... then maybe it will be acceptable for me to exhibit immature behaviour and get away with it.  Why always be the sensible one??? especially when people do not appreciate it or reciprocate it, taking it for granted.

So these are 3 major negative markers i am grappling with now.  I hope there won't be more.  But if there is, i will blog about them so that i can remind myself in future.............

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