I like being in control. I like to know when, how, what, where and whatever...... when i don't have control over situations/things, i feel stressed.
but in life, how often are we fully in control?
it's an irony for me i find. i know that in my life, there's only ONE who is in control and that is God but yet, how often have i found myself in situations where i try to play God. I try to be in control, to plan and what have you. But at the end of day, is it not God who is in control?
He who is the author and finisher of our faith. He who made me from dust. Who formed me in my mother's womb. Whose plans are the best for me.
Yet, it seems difficult to accept that and live my life with the knowledge. For some unknown reason, i act as if i am the better one to be in control when it is obvious that it would be better to have the omnipresent and all-knowing God to be in charge.
The little devil sure knows the backdoor into my life to cause havoc.
In recent years i thought i've made progressed with respect to this area of my life. not perfect, but i can say i am trying my best to trust in the Lord.
Yet, with a young child now, i am faced with the issue of control again. I find myself being so upset when i do not have control over her actions/emotions. If she doesn't behave in a way that i think she should, i get upset. Of course, as a parent we need to guide our kids and set parameters and lead them in the "right" path. but in many circumstances, there isn't really a right and wrong, but rather a "preferred" way of doing things. and i have found myself time and again, in that trap, of wanting to exert my preference fully on my child when it's not necessary. this results in unhappiness and grief both for me and my child. i am finding it difficult to lay this at the foot of the cross. I pray for wisdom. I pray for humility. I pray for grace. I pray that God will show me where i should let go so that He can come in and be the one who's bringing up Kaira. Surely, He does a better job than me. And i am but a vessel for Him. Let me not forget that, the next time i raise my voice at kaira and try to get her to do things my way.
There is a better way -- God's way.