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Monday, May 16, 2011

self reflection

As i grow older. i sometimes feel that my faith has diminished.

not to the extent that i do not believe in God, the maker of the universe. No, i definitely still believe in the Lord. that He sent His Son, Jesus to die on the cross for me, and that He loves me unconditionally and infinitely. And not just me. but for everyone.

my problem is that as i grow older, i find that my decision making process becomes more convulated ;p more and more emphasis on the rational : pros and cons; benefit analysis; potential consequences; etc etc.

not that in the past my decision making wasn't based on pros and cons, benefit analysis etc. of course they were important.

but somehow, there was that balance between exercising my brain cells and making the choice and the belief and faith in an almighty God which means coming before the Lord and laying the situation @ his feet and wanting to hear from Him and seeking His wisdom, and of course His blessings.

I am reminded again how much faith that requires. because if i take that action of seeking Him, it means i must be prepared to exercise my faith -- to submit and obey.

and i think that's where i have difficulty these days, submission to His will. it's becoming more and more a struggle.

these last few years.... i find myself, more consumed with my rationale thinking. and less of Him. that worries me.

it's like because of my accumulated years of living and experience, i have foolishly believed in the lie that i am capable of making the BEST decision based on my knowledge, wisdom.

i have forgotten the promises of the Lord. His promises in Isaiah and Jeremiah :

“ For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD.
“ For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts."

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Where O Where has my faith gone to?
How O How do i rekindle the fire ?

My prayer has always been that I will not stray beyond the shadow of the Almighty. That i will walk the path with Him, even when it doesn't look like a path i will choose.

I need to remind myself :

-- With God, it is a journey of a life time and beyond.
-- However, being human, i tend to focus on the present, the now.
-- What appears to be good in man's eyes may not necessarily be so. And that which appears to be bad, may well turn out to be good.

I may be able to see the corner coming. But can i see what lies at the turn of the corner?

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

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