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Friday, December 26, 2008

We are home!

Reached home on christmas after a 12 hour flite and it sure is warm and humid here! :)

thank God its not HOT as there's rain these few days.......makes the adjustment to the weather here a little easier.

the flight! was initially quite OK cos little princess was sleepy and was sucking her pacifier during take off, so she didn't have any discomfort and after a while, manage to sleep for abt 4 hours. but woke up and and had to be entertained before going back to sleep for another 2 hours. then after that, it was mayhem!! i think she was bored, and even feeding her her favorite bread & blueberries didn't satisfy her ;( she was juz cranky. and the landing, was terrible!!! knew that she had to suck something rite....but she didn't want her milk. didn't want her water bottle, didn't want her pacifier.... aiyo, she juz wanted to cry!!!!! so poor thing ...i mean those around us ....heehee.....of course she also poor thing...but really , nothing we could do cos she juz didn't want to suck the pacifier!

New environment
Surprisingly, she was quite receptive to the new place that she's going to stay in...and was busy looking around and exploring the place and wasn't afraid of her grandauntie and uncles (whom she met probably once or twice in the past). and when we bring her for lunch with her paternal relatives, she wa generally OK. which was really good for her! considering how worried i was about her stranger anxiety.

But night time was terrible. think due to time difference and the excitement of the new place, she didn't want to sleep and didn't want her milk. and after much difficulty falling asleep, she woke up in the middle of the nite crying for abt 1.5 hours before falling asleep. tonite's the 3rd nite in singapore and she still isn't sleeping well. juz woke up crying after falling sleep ard 1045pm. hopefully she will be fully adjusted soon in terms of her sleeping.

Attached to her Papa.
One thing that happened "overnight" (so to speak, cos it only became such when we reach singapore), is that she prefers her Papa to mama! hehehe, i honestly don't mind but i think the Papa is abit tired. the first nite, when she couldn't sleep and wanted to be carried, it had to be Papa. When i try to help to carry her, she cried buckets! Poor papa carried her for 1hour plus i think!

o wow, what a difference from when we were in holland when all she wanted was me even though she sees me the whole day! it was like when the papa is home, she will want him to carry and play with her, but after a while, she comes looking for me. i was juz thinking to myself the other day how nice if she's not that attached to me... ;) be careful what one wishes for!! hehehehe.

so now, i can plan for time off ....hahaha and leave her to the Papa while he is on leave ;)

This is a terrible change from her usual. she's not feeding well at all. maybe cos yesterday she overate the cream cheese and had indigestion and vomitted and all, that she's OFF food. and even milk!! the last 2 days, she's on major diet. abt 90-100ml of milk each day. eats very little for lunch/dinner (sometimes not at all)! hope she starts to eat better soon. and when she's being fed in a environment without a high chair... she's even more difficult to feed :( she juz wants to play.

haizzz, when that happens, wish we were home.... guess we can't have the best of both worlds!

Enjoying being Home
Until now, no, not yet. i am not enjoying my time home yet. maybe we were abit ambitious and didn't allow us time to "settle down" before "diving" into all the activities and stuff; maybe i took for granted that she will adjust quickly.... now she's older and probably feel the "stress" of change more and she doesn't know how to express herelf. and becos she's cranky, both me and Papa are tired and therefore we are also not so patient towards one another.... and it adds to the stress! this is the part i dislike most.

i am most cranky when i am tired and lack sleep. yes yes, that has been me for the last one year... but in times like these, it's felt more acutely... =p

in fact i think i am not adjusted to the time difference yet! ha, old liao. in the morning i feel rather sleepy and now, in the middle of the nite, i feel quite energetic cos its like evening time in holland now.

hopefully in another day or so, we will all be fully adjusted! certainly pray that when we go back to holland, her adjustment will not be so great! i cannot imagine having to deal with cranky her come Feb! too close too soon!!! and i am really not good at dealing with a cranky toddler! *bleah*

pictures of her during lunch on christmas day! [think we should get a better camera, like the one used by fei's cousin to take these pictures. hehehe, they are so much nicer than those we take ourselves ;)]

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Ramblings of mine

when we were living in hkg, one pet peeve of mine was the lack of an oven @ our place. cos baking was one of my favorite past times! there was simply NO PLACE in the kitchen for an oven. i ever thought of putting the oven in our "living" room....but those who have seen our apartment will know that that's pushing it alittle! LOL.

anywayz, very glad that this current house comes with a built in oven, although a very OLD one. and i can bake when i feel like it! :) :) although i usually have to do it after kaira's asleep @ nite. and because time is so short, i have to search for really EASY recipes which i can make in a jiff! and thanks to the wonders of technology, there's so much out there! and sooooooo many food blogs! am i "suaku" or what? =p

and thanks to those who blog about their kitchen adventures, i have more "choices" for kaira! [anyway, old fashioned me, still prefers a cook book with glossy pictures and all :) ]

and talking about food, as i wanted to add variety to her breakfast, i started searching for pancake recipes. i didn't know that pancakes were also easy to make @ home!!!! and to think that i always thought that hotcakes @ Macs were a treat (for myself!!!) LOL.

amazed @ the new things that i discover @ this age ! =)

Sunday, December 21, 2008

13th month old

and the last one month (plus) has been quite a "stressful" month for her i think! cos there seems to be many adjustments that she's making.

her naps was erratic for a while. some days it was one nap, some days 2. thank God she's back to a 2 nap schedule most of the time so it's much better for me!!! =P

then her feeding! there was one week plus where she totally skipped her afternoon milk feed. when i tried to feed her, it was like i was going to poison her!! aaargh. and as suddenly as she decided to skip her afternoon milk feed, she decided she wants her milk in the afternoon again!!

meal times have also become more challenging. she suddenly decides that she doesn't like macaroni anymore ;( so, one thing off the menu for now! in addition, i need to think of ways to make meal times more interesting for her! like letting her play with stickers. or find brochures with animal pictures for her as she really likes them. sometimes i play music and sing along with her while feeding her. and some days i have to ensure that the "dishes" i prepare include stuff that she can self feed with her fingers (like carrot & celery sticks etc etc). some days i have to let her self feed with her spoon. really SO MANY PATTERNS!!!!! *faintz*

and recently, when we bring her out, its really very tiring ! cos she won't "follow" us and wants to explore the place her way. going here and there, touching this and that...kicking up a fuss when she doesn't get her way! i tell u.... very "jialat" sometimes!! hope her understanding increases real soon .........

ok ok, enuff of "complaints". let's see how cute she has been the last month :

1) when i play the CD and she recognises certain songs, she will automatically do the hand actions or nod (hmmm, mebbe a better word is "bob") her head like she's enjoying the music! very cute!!!!

2) the last week or so, she began to sign "where". when i ask her "where is xxxx", she signs "where". then look for the thing. when she cannot find, she will sign "where" again. as if to ask me for help to find it.

3) she likes to stamp her feet.

4) she's into kicking balls these days (if she was a boy, am sure that papa will think she's a footballer in making!)

5) she hasn't uttered any real words yet. juz mama, dada, nana, turtle, bye, mi, etc etc. only 2 words she gets correct all the time is mama and mum mum which she has been using since she was like 7 months. dunno when she will sprout new words?

so many other things but am abit tired now to blog.

so for now, an eventful 13th month :) and here's 13th month old kaira.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Today's My Birthday....

and we spent it @ the Monschau Christmas Market. A cold wintry day it was today! Abt -2 degrees celsius. Walked till my feet was numb =P hehehehe.

This was my birthday "cake" :

It was probably the "best" waffle i have ever tasted ... hahaha ...cos it was cold and the hot cherry sauce made my day!!!

it was a nice journey into Monschau with the snow capped trees and hills...and the market was cosy.

BUT, i was kinda disappointed cos maybe i was expecting it to be more like Aachen which we visited a couple of weeks back where there was a wider variety of christmas shopping & stuff. In Monschau, my feel is that the emphasis is on the food & local specialties so the shopping wasn't fantastic! and i had a shopping list!!!! which wasn't fulfilled at all. :( and the cold sometimes makes it a bit difficult to "enjoy" the place thoroughly...cos after a while, wanna go "hide" in somewhere warm....hahahaha.

guess each christmas market is unique. think i prefer a larger type of market with more things to see and browse. Monschau was a bit too small and cosy ;)

Nevertheless, a beautiful village.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Dutch ID


after close to 6 months here, i finally got my ID today! Wow, so efficient rite?? LOL.

i can imagine how difficult it is to fit into the pace of life back home.... hehehehe.

so please please, don't laugh if i am like 20 steps slower than everyone else back home k?! LOLOL.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Baby Samuel.

I am so blessed to have a nephew, Baby Samuel, born 7 Dec 08. He is one special little one. I know the path ahead for him may be tougher than that faced by many others but yet I know, the Lord's grace and mercy will be poured out on him manifolds as well.

One may look at the difficulties and wonders why. But yet, if we look to the Lord, we know that He is in control and nothing is beyond Him. He will not give us more than what we can bear.

I know baby samuel will be a very blessed one. And I believe that through him many will come to know the Lord. God has a plan, a very good one for him indeed. And for my brother and sister in law, i know the Lord's grace and strength will be with you.

Even though I have not met you Baby Samuel, i love you. I look forward to holding you in my arms soon.

We brought the camera and didn't use it.... =P

We went to amsterdam to meet up with new friends, PeiPei, Lawrence and their little one trisha on Saturday. Had a great time having singaporean/malaysian food @ a restaurant called Nonya recommended by PP ....and of course the good company! :) (been a long time since we chatted with fellow singaporeans! =D)

and i was very blessed to get to know PP before coming over to eindhoven, for she was most helpful providing information ... which really helped alot! like the oriental supermarket which she told me about, was probably the best thing! :) God is good.

But But, we didn't take any photos! Aaargh! guess we were really enjoying the chit chatting and buzy looking after the little ones that we forgot! :(

trisha was born in Jan 07 and if we lived abit nearer to them, it would have been great! the 2 little ones can have playdates. i can't wait for kaira to be able to sprout words like trisha !

anyway, back to our lunch..... one thing i have confirmed -- it is really a very difficult task to feed kaira when there's no high chair around!!! it was a challenge on saturday cos she was like wanting to come down to walk and distracted by the surroundings. she's too "well trained" by the high chair!

[good thing we reached the restaurant slightly earlier & started feeding her before our friends arrived so when they came we are almost 2/3 done. otherwise difficult to have decent conversations while trying to feed porridge to the little one!]

and she was quite OK with seeing the new faces and didn't cry or fuss ... phew! but haha, she still dun know how to interact with other children yet.

look forward to seeing them again some time soon .....when they decide to travel down south ... :)

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Christmas Market

I have always wanted to visit a christmas market and its something that's been on my mind for years but somehow, our travel plans didn't quite make it!

and so when i arrived here in june, i know that this year will be the year my "dream" comes through.... hehehe.

there are so many beautiful german christmas markets ....really spoilt for choice!

this year, decided to take the easy way out by going to the nearest :) mebbe next year, will plan for visits to further ones ;)

today we visited the Aachen christmas and 2 weeks from now, will be visiting the monschau one. and thank God for a relatively good weather today! no rain, no snow, not much wind... perfect for strolling and browsing. and time passed so quickly!

must say that i think we were both kind of excited by our first visit to a christmas market that we didn't take alot of pictures!! was too focused browsing all the beautiful stuff and checking out the food and drinks ;p

next visit, will remember to take more pictures!!

Monday, November 24, 2008

These are uncertain times ......

Philips to lay off 1600 workers

this is very close to "home" ..... but thank God so far He has preserved hubbie's job. however, changes and restructuring are the "norm" in this challenging economic situation so we are praying.

Everything is in His hands.

On the practical side, i guess we juz have to "count our pennies" and be good stewards of our resources and be as frugal as we can be!

aaaaaarghh..... i hate to be in such a situation! hehehehe .... reminds me of some 10 years ago when we were really tight financially after we bought the apartment and i have to think long and hard (and many times over) whether i should buy this book that i wanted to buy. and after a long time....... i had to put the book back onto the shelf! have no wish to be in that situation ever again! ;)

Once again, i have to remind myself with this passage from Matthew 6 : 25 -34

“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?

Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

“So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

its snowing ....

on saturday, the first snow of the season came. it was light. here's our garden :

and today, we had heavier snow fall!! look @ our back garden now :

some pictures of our front garden :

Christmas is coming indeed!! *brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*



Thursday, November 20, 2008

A Bundle of Joy. The Beauty of God's creation.

That's Kaira and she turns ONE on the 21st Nov!!

The last one year has really been a journey of discovery for me and also a time of learning to rely on the Lord for strength and wisdom as i take care of her everyday.

It was tough, especially the first 6 months. There was just so much adjustments to be made ..... and looking back, i can see so many areas that i can improve on but there is no turning back of the clock and I can only look forward! :)

Everyday as she grows, it really does get better and more fun! [in spite of how tired I am at the end of the day. ;)]

Thank God for the privilege of being able to be @ home with her everyday (even though, i will say this again, i think i am better @ work than @ home!). i know many who would trade places with me.

Here's juz a glimpse of how she's has grown in the last one year.

May you continue to bring joy to the people around you. And may you blossom in God's hands....for you are indeed God's beautiful creation.

We love you much.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Her First Time .....

spending 1 hour away from her parents in Sunday School!!!

Praise the Lord that it went really well and she's was a "good" gal and enjoyed herself whilst mummie and papa finally sat through the entire sunday service together!

and today, she was such an angel welcoming people to the service together with mummie and papa @ the front door! and even shaking hands with some (note : not all! cos it depends on her mood....hehehe)

back to the sunday school thingie.

all these while i will have to keep her company in the play room and initially she will stick to me and only move around "me". slowly she became "braver" and will move around in the playroom on her own, playing with the toys or watching the other kids. so i thought, maybe it is time for her to be there alone (like most of the other children). and yesterday and this morning, before we went to church i kind of "prep" her and told her that i will leave her in the playroom with the aunties and other babies etc etc.

and when i brought her to the playroom, let her get acquainted with the sunday school helper and stood up to leave, she didn't even looked for me! :) :) my baby is really growing up.

and to think i was so afraid that she will cry and kick up a fuss! nothing of that sort! hallelujah praise the Lord!

Monday, November 10, 2008

First Time on the Carousel

A couple of weeks back brought her to the Centrum where there's a carousel..... think she enjoyed her first time! altho as usual, she has her "stone" face .... always like that when she's trying out new things...hehehe....very serious look ;)

The Elusive "Flying Kiss"

recently taught her the "flying kiss" and she did it!

however, when i tried to video her and asked her to do it, she simply refuse. once i put away the video, she does it again! *grrrrrr*

managed to capture this one ..... which isn't that clear... hope to be able to catch her doing it again soon.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Weekend @ The Hague

Never thought i'd be so HAPPY to be eating DIM SUM!!!!

when we were living in hkg and having dim sum so often....i often thought to myself that i've had enough dim sum to last me a lifetime!!!!! hehehe. never thought i'd miss it.... until we came over to eindhoven. =P

today we went to The Hague, and when we saw a Dim Sum restaurant, I was like, I WANT TO EAT DIM SUM!!!!! about slapping oneself ;p and so we headed to Chinatown and found a bustling restaurant, Kee Lun and really, had the BEST MEAL since i landed here in the Netherlands ... hahahaha....ok ok, maybe its an exaggeration but i really enjoyed the lunch even though we ordered like 2 dim sum items only and 1 plate of beef hor fun **yum yum**.

we really wanted to order more for the variety but honestly, how to finish the food between the 2 of us?? so the practical side of us took over :) i muz say that these days we are more sensible...hahaha.... i think in the past, i would have juz ordered MORE items for variety sake.... =P

and so here's a picture for memory sake :)

Friday, October 31, 2008

Praise God....

that she was back to normal the very next day after the vaccination! although the nite before she couldn't really sleep well...guess her body was "fighting" the "vaccine" ... and it was quite a sleepless nite for us. but at least she was well and no fever the next day! Thank God - He heard our prayers alrite! :)

Thursday, October 30, 2008

First visit to the baby clinic here (Zuid Zorg)

today we brought kaira to the baby clinic after receiving notification from them. she weighs 10kg and is 78cm. and according to the software the clinic has, she will probably be abt 175cm tall when she grows up.... :)

had such a hard time getting her height and weight measured cos she was crying when we try to put her down on the scale ;( aiyo this gal really doesn't like "new" environments and strangers ...... the moment we put her down, cry buckets!! dunno when she will outgrow this ;(

she had 2 jabs today and after that so fussy the whole day ..... i am so not looking forward to tomorrow .....praying that she will not develop any fever and that she will be back to normal :)

Monday, October 27, 2008

adjustments this weekend .....

yesterday, the clock was turned back 1 hour ... no big deal i thought! but alas, little miss kaira doesn't adjust so easily!! aaaarrrgh. so instead of waking up @ 8+am she wakes up @ 7+am...hope she adjusts to the new time soooooon...... and we thought we can help her adjust by letting her sleep 1 hour later for last 2 nites .... hmmmm doesn't help now my morning "schedule" (cos usually i wake up an hour before her to prepare her lunch, do some housework and stuff) is all topsy turvy and i have to ADJUST ....hahahaha.

and we bought her a front-facing car-seat on Saturday as she's getting a bit big for her back facing carseat. and mummy here never thought she needs to be "prep" for her new car seat! *duh* she cried buckets when we tried to put her into the new car seat! i was really surprised! so after that, had to keep "telling" her and giving her advance warning before we put her in the new car seat! not sure when she will get used to the new seat but i am juz so amazed @ her "resistance to change" sometimes!

sometimes she's like so "flexible", other times not.... shows she has her own "character" isn't it?? =p

and she's walking alot better now and with the new "boots" we bought her! 2 weeks ago when we first bought the new boots (before that she was wearing those soft-soled shoes but its a little too cold for that now) she's not that confident in them and would want to hold our hands when walking outside and will walk only for a short while before she wants to be carried. but this weekend that past, when we went to Ikea, to church and to Angela&John's place, she was walking around everywhere so confidently! sometimes she doesn't even "care" if we are around her, she juz wanders off!

Wow. think soon she will be running around!! *shudder*

Monday, October 20, 2008

A boring Sunday

Cos she juz recovered from her fever, we decided to stay home to let her fully rest and recuperate .... and she was really very bored!!! keep "complaining". hehehe.

so nothing much to do except practice her walking even more!

Adaptable beings ......

human beings are really very adaptable beings. that's what i think.

i say that cos i was reflecting on the past months and realised how i've "adapted" to living in a house here. before moving here, i wasn't really looking forward to living in a house. reasons i could think of were :

(1), its too BIG! imagine the amount of housework to be done!!! *yipes* i much prefer my 600 square feet hkg apartment *hehehe*
(2) i don't like insects/creepy crawlies etc, and i can imagine if one has a garden, bound to have them.
(3) imagine having to carry kaira up and down the steps everyday ..... so tiring.
(4) i've never stayed in a house before. and i have no desire to stay in one. i see myself as an "apartment" person *grin*

guess there are more reasons if i continue.

anyway, the point is, i've kind of gotten used to staying in the house now. so much so that some days i wonder if i will buy a house back home in singapore...hahahaha. but after much thought, i think i won't. at this moment, i still prefer apartment-living.

and also because we do all the housework ourselves and really, the thought of having to do so much housework ALL THE TIME puts me off! (of course there's the option of engaging help ..... but that's another "story" for another post....)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

No longer can she be called "boh gay"

FINALLY! today i can clearly see her bottom little white tooth (one only....although i understand that they are supposed to appear in pairs??? maybe the other will appear soon....) and last week she was already showing signs of teething as she didn't sleep well for a few nites. and this week, the same happened for the previous 2 nites. in addition, she was really fussy this afternoon and had to "sayang" her all the time and poor gal was running a slight fever.

with the help of the fever patch and paracetomol her fever subsided and hopefully it doesn't come back and she will "overcome" this teething period strong and well!

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

My Baby is growing up - Part 2

personally, i think she has a shy personality. (that's what i think lah!) coupled with baby stranger anxiety was quite pronounced in her in the earlier months.

but now i am beginning to see improvement. after 1.5 months of attending the same church, she now "dares" to wave at the adults and children there, shake hands (sometimes) and "mingle" with their children (around the same age). initially, every sunday she will "shy" away from the people who tries to be friendly with her. and when i bring her to the children's room (for kids below 2), she will stick to me. or do her own things like crawl and "eat" stuff!!! but now, she sometimes even try to "join" in what the other children are doing....yeah!

so glad to see her warming up to "Strangers". next is to find her more "play groups"!

My Baby is growing up .....

she's abt 10.5 months and in the last 1 week or so, i think she is beginning to understand the concept of object permanence and i can leave her for a couple of minutes in the play yard, play pen or bed and she will occupy herself and wait for my return. Praise the Lord.
(of course if i take too long, she will start to make noise and protest!)

Now, besides being able to take things out of a box, she can put them back. she can also accurately put the loops through the loop holder most of the time! and when i ask her to take things and pass to me, she will do it. and when i ask her to put them back, most of the time she will do it too.

Sometimes I am like "Wow" .... its amazing seeing her grow and develop each day. even more amazing that God has entrusted this little one to us to be her carers while on earth.

Sometimes i look at her and i tear .... i love her soooooooo much. despite tne initial frustrations and stress and what have u. and thank God that each day is indeed a better day for God is good, all the time!

i pray that she will grow up to be all that God wants her to be, and in His time everything will fall into place for her. Being a mum now, i am acutely aware of my limitations as a mum and glad that God is the one looking after her everyday. for He loves her infinitely more than I do.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Monschau Pictures


Love this little town. quaint and lovely. Looking forward to visiting it again near Christmas for its christmas market!!

Monschau reminds me of some of the japanese villages that i have visited before and missed so much! maybe it was the stream that runs through the town. maybe it was the well preserved and uniquely german-looking houses. maybe it was the valley that it was nestled in. whatever it is, i think this is a town worth revisiting! :)

and because the temperature was quite low today (ard 5-8 degrees), kaira was all wrapped up and here's my favourite picture of her today!

Saturday, October 04, 2008

having fun @ Ikea

Getting Into the Dutch Way of Life...

Finally got my bike today! Trying to "fit" into the dutch way of life ;)

but it's been so many years since i last rode on a bicycle ....i must really practice hard :) plus, will have to ferry the little one in the bike as well.... stressed ah...hahahaha.

tonight i had some practice ... tomorrow, i shall practice more! hehehe. if it's juz getting myself around, i think it's not a problem at's ferrying the little one around in the bike that's stressing me out! =P

Sunday, September 28, 2008

I foresee tiring days ahead....

little miss kaira is practicing very hard "unassisted walking" fact today she walked more than 5 steps unassisted.... looks like she's gonna start walking very soon??

oh oh .... i looked into the crystal ball and see myself running after miss kaira everyday! mebbe i will slim down further?? ;p

Saturday, September 27, 2008


when i was a teen, anyone above 40 years old is definitely OLD. and yesterday, it occurred to me that in a few years time, i will be there *gulp*. but when i see my frens now, its juz hard to imagine that we are turning 40 in a few years time? they still look the same! the guys from JC still looked like when we were in school (err, minus the paunch i suppose?? hehehe). the gals, some looked even better :) and when i meet up with old frens, it seems like we are the same today and yesterday! hahaha. where did the years go?

i really feel like i have not grown up ;p some days i think i am still 18. some days i think i am still 25. altho some days i think i am way over 40!! hahahaha. but truth is, i am 36 this year and 40 is fast approaching.

when i was young, i always thought that at 40, i will be very accomplished at work, have a pile of $$ the bank and going for exotic holidays. but truth is, i am running after a 10-month old and have a pile of coins at home and although i have my fair share of holidays ... not as exotic as i imagined, hehe.

so, why am i writing about this. i don't know. maybe i am trying to face up to reality =p