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Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Broken dreams.........

Very grateful that God has timed my return to Singapore so that I can catch Pastor Eugene’s Sunday service message. I’ve always enjoyed his sermons and no different this time. But 2 things he spoke about, struck me deeply. Broken dreams for God and having a persevering spirit so as to press on in the things that God has called us to.

Broken dreams. As I sat there and I heard those 2 words, for some reason, tears flowed. All these years I guess, I have learnt to “move” on and never really dwelled on some of things that, I felt, were not meant to be. Broken dreams for God. How true and how scorching -- these words. Maybe I’ve not taken the time to grief over the broken dreams. Or maybe, sometimes I just prefer to run away and not face reality? But sitting there in the service, was the start of my “grieving” process. Although a little late. As I walk with Christ, many a times, I feel that I’ve let God down. But yet He’s always willing to give me a second chance. The opportunity to try again. Which brings me to the topic on having a “persevering spirit”. Again, something that is a sore point with me. For I consider myself a “quitter”. Or maybe, I get distracted and discouraged easily and Satan knows. And so, I give up, without persevering. That is something that bugs me, not persevering in my ministry. And now, although I believe I should serve somewhere in ICA, I hesitate, cos I don’t really like the prospect that I may not persevere enough – that I may end up a quitter again! I don’t want to start and stop again. Sigh. I guess, I will never know until I start! And that is at least the bit that I can control. But sometimes, the flesh is really weak. Lord, help me!!