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Tuesday, December 28, 2004

This is my testimony

Faith from young
1) From a very young age, I believe in God. Somehow, the seed of faith was planted in my heart, probably through the influence of my aunt. Although I believe that there is a God, my concept of God is a “helpline” – I pray whenever I need help. This carried on for years – a nominal Christian in name

2) When I was in pre-university, through a friend’s introduction, I started attending a bible study group. I decided to go because I felt that I should know more about God, what it means to be a Christian. And through it, I began to learn to relate to God as a personal Lord and Savior, not just as a faraway an unreal God. Through the bible studies, I began to learn what it means to love Him, to have Him as a partner in my daily life and to trust in His will and plans. Reaffirming the gratitude I have for Him, who sent his Son to die on the cross for men, for ME Even though my parents objected rather strongly to my involvement in church and there were always arguments about my “religion”, I was very enthusiastic with my newfound knowledge and this continued for several years as I remained active in church through the youth and campus ministry.

3) One important lesson I learnt about God’s love and provision was in my 3rd year in university. It was also a humbling experience. At the end of my second year, I was offered the honours program for another 2 years. Even though I wasn’t sure I wanted to do honors, I decided to just go with the flow. During my 3rd year, when the first semester results was released, I received the worst results (considering my academic background) ever in my life. I mean from the top 10%, I probably ended up in bottom 10%. I was asked to see the Faculty Dean to explain what exactly went wrong. I couldn’t. There was nothing I did very different. I studied as per normal. Maybe I was busier with ministry but I still studied. With such results, I decided to discontinue the honors program. I guess God made the decision making process easy for me.

4) After receiving my results, I stayed in my hostel room for the next 2 days questioning God. I mean, how am I supposed to tell my parents and frens? Especially when they know that I have been active in church? Where is the God I believed in in this situation? I was confused, upset and doubtful. During the time spent with God, I had no answer. But a voice spoke to me and I believe it is the Holy Spirit, asking me, “Do I trust and believe in God’s plans and will for my life? That His plans are good and meant to prosper me? And that He holds my future in his hands? Even if he did not bless me another day, would I still follow and love him?”

5) Those were difficult questions. For some reason, faith arose within my heart - afterall, he sent his Son to die for me on the cross, surely he desires the best for me! So, after much thought and struggle I told the Lord “Yes”. I prayed and asked the Lord for mercy for I believe that I can’t do it on my own. I prayed that even though I do not understand, he will help me keep my faith, that I will never ever forsake His way, His name.

Running away
6) However, in my mid to late twenties, I went through a period of running away from God. I was tired and began to be more self-centred. I started questioning why I had to serve God, why I have to do this, do that, sacrifice this and that. The desire on myself rather than God increased greatly. Satan put thoughts into my mind, that maybe I will be happier if I pursue my own desires, activities. I started to rebel and wanted to avoid anything with regards to ministry/God, thinking I would be happier and more carefree. But, I wasn’t. In fact, as I focus on myself, I was getting more and more unhappy with my circumstance, the people around me (including my family). Besides the unhappiness, there also seemed to be something lacking. For a few years, I just drifted and drifted further away from God. I chose to believe that I could hide from God.

7) But, I thank God that he is merciful and he kept knocking on the door of my heart, calling out to me to return to him. The emptiness in my heart, He knew only he can fill.

8) I believe God answered my prayer, the prayer that I made in my hostel room when I told the Lord to keep my faith in all situations so that I will not forsake Him.

Coming back
9) I do not remember exactly when or what changed. But the desire in me to get right with God slowly came back. In addition, moving to Hong Kong, through the church and frens, God has strengthened my faith and given me a greater desire to love Him and his people. Slowly, he has shown me the joy of sharing as I learn to put Him first. And also, restored to me, something that I’ve “lost” and I miss, the prompting of the Spirit, experiencing his reality through His words (whether the bible, or his voice).

Thank God.
10) For me, I know that I can be a very self-centred person and I also have a lot of pride. But through my relationship with God, I believe that I have become less self-centred – more able to love and relying more on his love to be poured out through me.. But God’s work is not complete in me - I know I am still learning and changing each day and pray that I will continue to be changed into his likeness. One thing I learnt, when I start focusing on God, I experience more peace and love and joy than when my focus on self takes centreplace.
Looking back, I thank God for his provision and blessings – in so many aspects : my marriage, my job, coming to Hong Kong etc, He has blessed me so much despite my disobedience. As I journey with Him, I began to see Him unfolding his plans for me – although I can’t see ahead, I know He holds the future in His hands. And that's what matters.

Looking Ahead
My prayer still, is for my parents and beloved friends to also experience God and taste of his goodness. For indeed, He tastes like honey in the rock. And His love is so deep it is difficult to understand yet, everlasting in nature.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Have A Blessed Christmas my Frens!

It's Christmas time again!! Merry Christmas everyone and may the love and peace of Christ enfold you always........ ;)

Friday, December 03, 2004

i am going back to singapore for about 1 week from 7 dec! so, will not be blogging for the period.... too bad it's for work purposes! so not a rest and relax break...... ;) but, always good to be home.....oooh, i miss the food.......think i will definitely put on a few pounds ..... yumz yumz....... the list of food i want to eat is endless.....hehehe.......

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Giving Thanks!

Just wanted to give thanks to God for his healing touch! Think it was Monday morning when i woke up and realised that i have (AGAIN!) a small lump/pimple in my eye. I am perpetually plagued by this.....and this time it was my left eye, lower lid. And, i already have one on my upper left lid which hasn't completely healed. Was frustrated. And while i was cleaning, i asked God to heal it, so that i won't have to go through the pain and "swollen" eye look so soon again... Thank God he healed ! I was so tired on Monday evening i slept at 830pm and when i woke up this morning and was washing up, realised that the lump/pimple is gone! Hallelujah. :) Praise the Lord.

Monday, November 29, 2004

bust enhancement???

today, i heard that papayas helps enhance one's bust size?? interesting...... anyone who knows why please tell me? I am puzzled as to why it is so? also, i understand, it helps one to lose weight!!! so, maybe, despite me not liking fresh papayas, i should consider eating it more regularly... lose weight, bigger cup size - isn't it ideal?? hahahahaha ;)

Saturday, November 27, 2004

i contributed to the hkg economy again today ;)

hehehe....bought a leather jacket tonite ;)

been wanting to since last winter........finally decided to part with my $$$$. ;p

Friday, November 26, 2004

passion for service

these few days, this nagging thought about passion for doing God's work has been on my mind. i've been praying, but i don't seem to have any breakthrough ;( on one hand, i am very sure, that, what i want is to be able to go God's work and be a blessing to others through ministry. on the other hand, while the heart is willing, the flesh is weak. i honestly do not feel a passion sometimes, for people. i'd rather do my own stuff.......but God has gently reminded me the self-centredness of that. and i do enjoy helping others (after the fact), but sometimes, the thought of putting time, energy and effort into some form of ministry work.......makes me feel tired. sigh. where did all the passion go? i mean, how can i not be excited about working alongside the Creator? the holder of the universe? is my vision so narrow that i only focus on the present? and am i so foolish that i choose to ignore the fact that Christ will return and that my service today will bring a smile to His face when i am in his presence? has the world gotten to me? Wow, today, very cheem thoughts.......even i am a bit overwhelmed writing this. Lord, please help me. Show me and guide me. Give me your passion. Feel me with your love. For without your love, i am really, nothing.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

feeling sianzzzz today

this is one of those days, when i woke up and my gut tells me i am going to have a generally "sianzzz" day ahead.......ayezzzz, why like that? i don't like such days. i think the weekend will get cooler ...... maybe should go buy myself a nice coat! that should perk me up!! ;) hehehe.

sigh. also going to be on course the full day on saturday! maybe that's what making me sianz! wasted weekend ;(

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Idle thoughts. Idyllic thoughts. Is there a difference? Idle thoughts to me!

This year, since becoming a little more "obsessed" about the quality of food ingredients i.e. am a bit more conscious about organic food, ingredient composition etc, the thought of having a little "garden"/"farm patch" so that I can enjoy fresh and natural produce becomes more and more enticing and interesting. Unfortunately, don’t have the luxury of a small area, not even a patch to grow stuff.

So, while hiking the other day (I must say, the view of hong kong from those hiking trails is really excellent! U may even forget that u are in a bustling city....... ), hubbie and I talked about buying a piece of land in some cheaper countries e.g. Thailand or Malaysia. Some time ago, we discussed about this, although not so seriously, just one of those random thoughts that we had. This time round, we thought, should we seriously give more thought to this? Only thing is, not sure where to start. But, must be near the sea! Heehee. That will be more idyllic! ;)

Having tried my hands at growing some plants this year........ must say it's really not so easy and one must be quite patient! Especially when the plants are sick, really not sure what to do? And can quite messy, with all the soil and stuff. And I must say, I really hate it when I discover bugs!!! But understand there are good bugs and there are bad bugs! So cheeeeeeem. But at this moment, my knowledge is zero. I just get rid of them ALL! Hehehehe.

Will the day come when I can pluck fresh fruits and vegetables from my own backyard?? Hmmmm..........wellz, now I can pluck chillis ;) that's a start! I wonder if my lemon seedling will grow to be big enough to bear fruit???

Remembered watching a documentary sometime back about farmers in UK (or was it france??) So interesting.........the vegetation they grow. And there is so much knowledge about farming, I think it's all lost on our cityfolks.

But sometimes, I think, maybe facing the farm patch everyday can be quite boring?? But they have a community of farmers leh, where they share knowledge and interests, quite interesting and make money selling their stuff or bartering for others. What a different life. The best is, if the farmpatch is located near the sea also.........Win liao! Tired of seeing vegetables?? go to the seaside, enjoy the seabreeze and the sight of the ocean. And most wonderful if the waters are clear blue!!! ;) dream on........ Heehee.

Not sure when the idea of farm-living became an interesting and enticing thought. But I am quite sure, if I am really in that situation, I will probably grow bored after a while and start complaining and yearn for city-living........ hahahahaha ;) A case of the grass is always greener on the other side ;p

Like now, there are days when I think, where's the next place we will be going to? Or maybe we will be going home to Singapore soon? ;o) But, must say, still quite happy here lah! (just in case hubbie reads this and he gets stressed! He will be like wat??? We just got here!!!!! Heeheee. Give him some level of comfort........ hehehe)
Will see how things the meantime, I shall continue “nursing” my idle thoughts......... ;)

Missing Oven

Time flies and it's going to be Christmas soon........... Now, I miss my baking oven more than ever!!! Sigh, I guess, this Christmas I won't be baking my cookies and tarts and puddings ;(

I really wish I had space for the oven. But where we are, it's kind of a challenge finding the space to accommodate that. Waaaaaaaaaaah. I need a bigger kitchen!!!!! Wait long long. Maybe if both our paychecks double, we can consider staying in a 1000sq ft place and have slightly more space. That (i.e. doubling of paychecks), dear reader, you should know, is not quite a realistic wish!


Monday, November 22, 2004

Another friend in Shanghai.

Another friend of mine is leaving Singapore to work overseas. Oh, excitingly, its to be based in Shanghai! One more friend to visit when I go to shanghai!! And just last nite, when I was having dinner with a friend, someone from university days, talking about people from uni, its amazing how many of us are based overseas (or have been based overseas for a period). I get really excited when I know of someone who is going for an overseas assignment, as its really a very interesting experience and being away from home, somehow changes ones perspective. If I am to choose again, I would have chosen the same path.

Coming back to this uni friend (hubbie knows him better), and his circle of entrepreneurial frens, I thought to myself, are some people are just “born” to be “entrepreneurs”? I mean, there he is, striking deals from Japan to Thailand to China and other places. Geez, here I am, after donkey years, still thinking about what kind of business to engage in? (if ever?????) How different.

But of course, some people may have some “family business” history, so I guess that helps! ;) but really, a lot depends on oneself doesn't it?

Anyway, just as it's stated in the bible, to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven. And importantantly, What is God's purpose in our lives?

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Is it that easy to forget the pain?

Today, for some reason, I started thinking about my previous jobs and work place and kind of felt that I miss those days…………. But I caught myself and tried to recall WHY I left the jobs/ organization/etc, and reminded myself how painful it was when I was going through it, and how I HATED the job and so forth. But truth is, the memory of the pain, unhappiness is very vague...... really very vague. But yet, I remember quite clearly the happy exchanges with colleagues, the fun and the excitement when programs are being launched. But when I was going through it, I really didn’t like it much. I mean, otherwise I wouldn’t be complaining everyday and wanting to resign. Maybe we humans have an innate ability to forget things and only retain what we want to remember. Is that really the case I wonder? Maybe there was something that good, but the pressures then totally “covered” it. And the mind focused only the negatives, the bad things. Is that how we are? We tend to focus on the negatives? But the good we take for granted??

Hmmmmmm........ this I need to speak to God about, how to change this mindset of mine........

Tuesday, November 16, 2004




Friday, November 12, 2004

Craving Craving ......... Cravings

Sometimes, I just can't stand myself. We all know pregnant ladies have cravings (albeit for short periods) but I seem to be perpetually craving for certain foods despite not being pregnant. It's getting a lil’ worrisome. I don't use to worry, cos when one is younger, I suppose any weight gain from obsessive consumption can be lost easily (or shall I use the phrase “more easily”).

But now that losing weight is such a challenge, I really get worried when I just eat and eat. And when I having a craving, I reaaaaaaaaally crave! I mean, just this last week, I have a sudden craving for luncheon meat/egg sandwich/bun (what hongkongers call “Can-Dan Zhi”) and I think I must have taken it for breakfast for 4 days of the week. Sigh and that is not the most healthy food around.

And before that sinful sandwich craving, it was cookies and cream ice cream. I must have had tubs of it in the last few months. My fridge is stocked and I never run out of it. And I will have a cup almost every night. But now, I have half a tub sitting in the freezer cos they are no longer IN ;)

And of course, there are many examples of my craving........... No matter how much exercise I do, I think it's not going to help. Plus, whatever I crave for, always seem to unhealthy and fattening. Oooooo and before the ice-cream, it was McWings. I really liked the wings. But I try to limit myself to once or twice a week. But considering that they are so well deep-fried, once a month would have been more acceptable.

Aiyaz, I think I should do something about this, exercise more will-power or something. Otherwise, the consequences can be “heavy”........................ ;(

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Love is Spelled T-I-M-E

This is an extract from "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren

The Best Expression of Love is Time
Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make mor emoney but you can't make more time. WHen you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.

It is not enough just to say relationships are important. We must prove it by investing time in them. Words are lone worthless. "My children, our love should not be just words and talk, it must be true love which shows itself in action."(1 Jn3:18)

Relationships take time and effort and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others but how much we give of ourselves.

My thoughts after reading it ......... How true and really food for thought for how i will build relationships in future.

but sometimes when i think of how much "i"have given of "myself", i end up focusing on me and the "sacrifice" and then, end up doing things grudgingly..... guess that is sign that i haven't really surrendered to God and that i am still in the process of being filled with His love and spirit so that what is outpoured, is not mine, but His love.

So, that's my prayer tonite, for more of His love in my life and that I will be more like Him! ;)

Monday, November 08, 2004

Sunday, November 07, 2004

nose nose nose

i absolutely hate "noses" that are "sensitive" ... - - if u know what i mean. but as luck would hv it, all my life, i am surrounded by men whose noses are so sensitive, they rightly qualify to be sensitive new age men.

i can't stand it, the perpetual sniffing and sneezing ... aaargh!!! torturous........ and it seems this sensitivity plague men more than women! why why why? it's so irritating......aaaaaaaargh. it sends me into a bad mood everytime the nose starts to react.....

sigh, i guess there's nothing much i can do about this, so might as learn to live with it... ;(

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Loving Parents

Being away from home, and with only 1 brother in Singapore, often i worry about my mum and dad. Are they lonely? Do they need help? Is there something that i can do to make them happier even though i am not there?

i've asked them to come visit but somehow, they haven't had the chance to. and of course, we try to go back to Singapore when we can. But u know, it's different.

As i think about my parents, i remember my growing up years where i am sure they must have wondered why they have a child as difficult as i am. I guess, as with all growing teens, there's lots of angst, feelings that my parents didn't understand me, they were too strict at times, and that they didn't share my passion/ideals. and of course, i didn't understand them or tried to understand them either. Growing up, there's our fair share of shouting matches, especially for me as i have a rather hot temper when i was growing up..... coupled by the fact that i have a bit of "intelligence"..... my dad always say i think i am "clever" and that is why i am always rebellious....maybe there is some truth in what he says.

it's difficult being parents i suppose, when to let go, when to restrain.......

of course, there are many times when i wished, i hadn't said this, or done that, but what's done and said, cannot be undone.

At the end of the day, i love my parents.

but somehow, sometimes, when i was growing up, my actions don't show that (or sometimes even now! when impatience can get the better of a person). but i pray that I will learn to love my parents as God loves us and to also take actions that reflect that love. and hopefully, i've made some progress over the years ;) but i guess, whatever i do, the most precious thing that can happen, and i pray it will, is that they will receive the gift of eternal life that God has for them. It may not be now, but i pray, it will be so, soon.

and being away from home, my prayer everyday for them, is that God will protect them, physically and emotionally and God will be a very present help to them in their daily situations. That they will experience the peace and joy that God has intended to give them....... just as he has given us.

As i write about loving my parents, it brings me to another matter that has been bothering me for many years.......loving my in-laws. Loving our own parents is easier isn't it? we have a bond with them......and we truly care for them. But when it comes to in-laws, it can be more challenging.....hard as i try, sometimes, i find it difficult, especially when there are differences in opinions and views. I pray that God will fill my heart with love for them as well. Cos, loving them, is a gift to my hubbie i suppose. Just as he has given me the same gift.......of loving my parents.


Monday, November 01, 2004

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

i love the show.....they are really good in turning around "crappy" "pigstyles" into stylish homes!!!! my place needs exactly that! a makeover! and i need their "advice" on what beauty regimes are good for me.! ;)

yesterday, saw an episode where they helped this guy organise a wedding reception. omigosh, the wedding reception was LOVELY LOVELY, like a dream wedding.......wonder how much it costs??? especially in NY. and the food was amazingly pretty too. everyone was so touched tears flowed :)

told dear hubbie - that i also want a reception like that! like a dream.....albeit 7 years late....hahahaha.....i guess i will have to wait till i get to live in NY???? hahahaha

Saturday, October 30, 2004

Chinglish Land

I've always liked to learn new languages - have taken lessons in japanese and french before - but somehow, due to lack of exposure to the language or whatever other reasons, never really "learnt" the language. only the "abc"s to get by and sometimes, not even getting by.

wellz wellz, maybe i just don't have the language affinity ;) especially such foreign and difficult languages!

but what irks me most these days, is that my mandarin is just as atrocius. I mean, i always thought mandarin is like piece of cake u know(never had problems with it, never will)..... but having to use Mandarin in a business environment is a HUGE CAKE, whatever bite i take, is minuscule compared to its size. The words don't flow......... i hate it when i have to write reports and presentations in mandarin (which is ALWAYS!) - i think half of what i want to say is lost! oh dear.........i tell myself i better buck-up, read more, write more, but man, it's more difficult that you think k?! business mandarin is very difficult..........waaaaaaaahhhhhh .........

sigh....i am not effectively bilingual am i? my mandarin vocabulary is really limited (i mean, in relation to business-related terms, if it's about scolding people, rest assured, it is limitless, hahahaha) - it's pathetic!

i think maybe i will just stick to reading my martial arts novel and stuff, and karaoke-ing.... those i understand perfectly ....but business reports??? and there i was, entertaining thoughts of maybe working in China in future....... this is good training ground..... training me to abolish the thought!!! ;) just griping lah.....who knows what the future holds? only certainty is that God holds the future :0) , that already feels better ;)

only thing is, i better write more in English, else i start deteriorating and i will be in no-man's land..... oh oh, in Chinglish land!!!! yipes!!!

He, whom she has not seen, she loved.

Just read an email a few days from a fren ( a young gal), who is planning to go on a mission trip end this year to Cambodia. Am very happy for her responding to God's call and I believe she will experience God fuller and her faith will be strengthened tremendously. I am so glad that she's on fire for God. I wish i am too, now. I guess, i can say that i used to desire God more, somehow the years have eroded that passion. So eroded that there was a point where i was practically running away from God's call, plans. Maybe that's what it means to be in the wilderness, the desert.....where there's so much moaning, self-centredness and worse, faithlessness.

I've had a relationship with God for years and have the privilege of experiencing him, his grace in my life. ALthough there hasn't been any life-changing event or "great miracles" (so to speak), yet in my daily living, i know that He is real, He is there. He has touched my heart so many times, it cannot be a figment of my imagination. Yet, despite knowing that He is loves me, i often want to run away from Him.

But thank God, through his grace, i'm slowly making progress re-establishing my relationship with him. But still, i wish i was more passionate about Him! i mean, this is the BEING who created all things and i am lukewarm about Him??? tsk tsk. Goodness, how can anything else have more of my attention? Yet that is truly so. The things that gives immediate gratification, the things that are tangible, the things that requires my attention now.........those things dilute my focus on God, on his Son and the Holy Spirit. I wish i can say i've found the answer, but yet i know that it will be a daily learning experience which He will give me grace to go through. I know God is patient, He is merciful and full of grace. He knocks on the door of one's heart, and all it takes is for faith to open that door.

Like i said many years ago, on my epitaph, i hope it is written : "He, whom she has not seen, she loved."

Friday, October 29, 2004

small space

when i first came to hong kong, the small apartment size was really a pain. i just cannot get used to it - it's like half the size of our apartment in singapore and the rental is twice as much! how terrible!!!

but after a few months, i appreciate the smallness - there's less to clean-up. cleaning the floor takes less than an hour (and i use cloth ok! not the mop!!) and the place can be quite cosy. and i guess when there's only 2 of us, we don't really need that much space.

but of course, i still find it small lah! how can one ever have enough space rite? i mean, in hkg i have to think twice when i want to buy something for the apartment and in the end, we stop looking at furnishing even. no point.....there surely is not enough space ;) also, we are not very creative at utilising small spaces .... slowly learning and getting better :)

so we turn our attention to buying clothes .....hahahaha. even with one bedroom as our walk-in wardrobe, i think we are quickly running out of space ! ;) goes to show how many pieces of clothing we have between the 2 of us. for a man, boy can hubbie shop ;) but that's what i like about him lah! so fashionable ...heehee.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Cheesecake anyone - Part 2

What other changes have i experienced since i came to hong kong? let's see........ oh, i visit the gym more often here in hong kong now! in fact, amazes me that sometimes, i manage to go to the gym up to 3 times a week...... but nowadays (since i started working), getting a bit less disciplined ;) sometimes only once a week.....and with all the FOOD i consume, it'd be soon that i start putting on weight!!! *****shudder*****

afterall, it's a known fact that it's difficult to control one's weight after turning 30!

aiyahz - now that i am writing about this, i feel guilty not going to the gym today. But, that's because i was stuck in the office and by the time i could get off, it's about 8pm and was feeling tired.

thing about the gym i go to here is there's hardly any cute guys to "ogle" at and for those cuter ones, i bet they are not straight...... ;) what a pity. then again, if i am looking for eye candy, who cares whether they are straight or not?? ;p hehehe.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Shanghai Shanghai

I just visited Shanghai recently.....heard so much about it prior to my visit, that i was really looking forward to it. Indeed, it was a great city, very vibrant and cosmopolitan......and when i sat at the starbucks there, watching the world (or rather shanghai) go by, i really didn't feel like in China. It's definitley a city that i will go back again, i think it can be a good place just to chill...... despite some negatives about it!

And here's just 3 things i don't like about Shanghai city :
(a) the food is oily and salty! (yipes! the vegetables are swimming in oil!)
(b) it's crowded! (everyone's in shanghai in oct?)
(c) service staff can be rude! (so be prepared)

Oh, and my brother will be based near there from next the more reason i will visit ;) wunderful!

Cheesecake anyone?

Since I move to hong kong, for some reason, i started trying cheesecakes........ for the last 30+ years, i hardly eat cheese cakes and the reason? i don't like them. the most i venture is a small morsel, just to try. but never really liked it. and some of my pals really loved cheesecake......always cajoling me to try some, but somehow, i figured, this is a pleasure i don't share and it has always been that way.

don't know why, but since coming to hong kong, i've actually concluded that cheesecakes are quite tasty, especially the really good ones.....and sometimes, i catch myself thinking, hmmm, when will i get to taste that cheesecake again?

it's strange isn't it? how did that change come about? pals out there may be thinking aloud, "miracle! she finally found cheesecakes!!" ;) but there was really no significant event to change my views abt usual, i'd try some when presented with one.....but somehow, change just came about. hmmmm..........

so it led me to think....... is that how people change? in recent years, saw quite a few break-ups, divorce......always wondered how and what brought about the change in the "love" between couples. honestly, i've always held the notion that if u want to keep the marriage going, you can. those who give up, simply didn't want to try. or maybe they didn't see the need to try. But, maybe it's just like the cheesecake, the change just happened??? Unexplainable in nature??? i really don't know. One thing i know, i do eat cheesecakes now!

Sunday, October 24, 2004

best of friends.....

Have been reading a novel, best of friends...and i cried buckets reading it! it's been a long while since i enjoyed a sentimental read and enjoy a good "bout" of "sentimental crying"!

and it brings to mind the very few close friends whom i have and really can count with fingers type. for some, how did our friendships last so long? it's amazing. and for some, somehow, the relatively short time as friends, there is such a strong bonding/friendship that developed and that's amazing too.

sometimes, its quite funnie how things turn out.....i see myself as one who is kind of anti-social (i don't like to make conversations, i actually don't really like to make new frens) - but somehow, when u meet the right the people, conversation simply flows....i guess that's what "clicking" is all about. :)

and I am thankful that God has chosen to bless me with friends along the way to share in my journey, without which, the journey would have been less meaningful.

as i write, i recall slipping and falling down in a river when i was 15 ....and my pal took a picture of me and captured that "wunderfully ugly" moment forever!! hahaha - memories are made of this. or when i was 20 and going through this really painful break-up and my pals were there, sharing my french onion soup..... wow, that's what memories are about. Lovely to look back on. or even simple things such as having roti prata late at night and enjoying the company.... i'd give up karaoke (!) anytime for that. hehehe.

Then i think, i must be a pretty nice gal rite? to have such good pals?? ahem ahem....hehehe. but then, some people i consider as not so "great" personalities seem to also have very close friends... now that's strange ;( and that is using the "judgemental spirit" to look at them.... i am sure they have their good traits too....just that i am not "privy" to it. i must try, MUST TRY, to see the positive side of things as well. but then again, does it really matter what i think? so it seems that i have digressed......

to all my pals, i just want you to know, your friendship i treasure. and even more so, since i came to hong kong. if there's one thing i miss about home (besides my parents!), it's you.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

a dream remains a dream....

I've always "liked" the idea of living abroad - experiencing new things and establishing new friendships and so on and so forth. Having missed the opportunity to pursue an "overseas education", coming to hong kong in 2004 was like a "consolation" ;)

why consolation ? because unfortunately, my idea of living "abroad" means US or Europe! Hong Kong is kind of near home (Singapore) ......... ;p (heyz, don't get me wrong - i do enjoy living here in hong kong .... for now!)

I find it funny when i think about it because US/Europe is so far away that it holds such an appeal? or that the US/Europe that i see (through reading, images) seems so different from Asia? What is it about the appeal? I haven't figured that out yet. All i know is, i enjoy the vibrancy in cities such as NY and the laidback-ness in places like boston when i visited them. Maybe it's because they seem to have a place for all sorts of people - not just people who are driven by practical needs (which means $$) but also people with dreams and visions. For one, i feel that i lack that i.e. i don't really have a passion or dream (yep, karaoke cannot be considered a passion....hahahaha)........maybe somewhere where the emphasis is different can do some good for one's "personal development"!! or maybe that is simply an "illusion" in itself because it may all jolly well depend on "U", regardless of the situation.

I've been warned about discrimination and the sorts, but hey, who says we don't experience that here in Asia when we relocate?

Which brings to mind a conversation i overhead on the bus here in hong kong. A Chinese had this to say about Singaporeans (mind u he had alot to say about hong kongers as well, but i ain't going to repeat that here) : (note : this is a summary of what he said, not a word-for-word transcript!) :

"Singaporeans are worse (i take it he meant worse than Hong Kongers) - they are neither Chinese nor Westerners. They don't have in-depth knowledge about Chinese culture and history, it's difficult to relate to them. And even though they speak english, they are not westerners. They don't have an identity. "

I suppose he is oblivious to what others think about him.

Anyway, I am still holding to the dream of living some where far out there some day in the future.......

Trying something new.......

I read about bloggers for a long time - and always wondered, who reads them ??? and now, i am trying out, having my own blog-spot....hahaha..... that's how life is! Never say never!